March 6

So after our visit where Aunt D did not wake up, I ran in on Friday, Sat, and Sun, just to see her and make sure she was ok. She just is doing so good. You know what I mean! Took Ella back with me on yesterdays visit. March 5. Aunt Dot was in the hallway, finishing her morning fruit snack, still in her jammies and robe.
The whole way down there Ella is just insistent that she does not want to go. Old people are no fun. She is not kissing Aunt Dot. Gramma can kiss her because she is my Aunt but oh no, not Ella. That is disgusting! (this is Ellas favorite word for whenever we talk about going to see Aunt Dot - just the setting and all the wheel chairs and the old people that smile and try to make contact with her)
While we were in the hall another resident asked me for help. I left Ella with Aunt and helped the resident into her room right by us and then ran up to the nurses station to get help. When I got back Ella is holding Aunt Dots hand and talking up a storm. It is perfect because her thought process is just like Aunts. Not a lot of rhyme or reason! And they are both smiling!!!!! An aid came to get Aunt Dot and take her in for her shower and I leaned down and kissed her and then Ella stretches way up so that she can also kiss Aunt Dot goodbye! You could have knocked me over!! I thought it was pretty amazing. We talked about Aunt Dot as we left and Ella thinks she is a pretty great lady. It is just too bad that she has to be in that chair and that place. And then we spent quite a chunk of time talking about Uncle Norman and the injustices of life!

Ella and I went to see Aunt Dot on Thursday. She was sleeping and absolutely would not wake up! Ella was yelling "Aunt Dot, wake up!" and we were playing her singing birthday card Patty left right into her ears. Nothing. (Yes, she was breathing!)
We left and I ran back up the next day. Just to pop in and make sure she was fine. She was. They were getting all the residents ready for thier eveing meal - it was about 3:30 - and so she was dressed and her hair was fixed and out in the hall. We "visited" for just a few minutes. I had taken down some of her vests I fould here so I put them into her closet. Headed out.
Went back on Saturday and spent some time. She was just finishing lunch so I took her back to her room. I had gotten all of her pictures out of the frames and put them into am album so we looked through that. She did say Norman at one point. Smiled at the pictures of the kids. I did not want to take an album with empty pages so I went through and found old photos of my kids at school, out on the playground with lots of other kids. Heck, I dont even remember all their names but they were great filler. Kids make her smile! After looking through the album she did comment abou "mom and dad" while looking toward that picture of her and Norman that is in her room.
Put her by the window and went out to fill he bird feeder. Not an easy task with that plastic bag of food, the feeder taller than me and the wind blowing. I hope she enjoyed the show. I know the elderly gentleman sitting out in his car did! Talked for a bit then she kept trying to get out of her chair so I got a nurse, we changed her pants (she had her lunch on them) and laid her down.
Maybe it is getting harder for me to see her. Not sure. Her hands were all tucked in under the covers. She worked them out and put her hand up to my face. Said "you are the best" Made me cry. We held hands and talked. Then I told her I loved her and headed out. And then I cried all the way home.
Maybe it was looking at older pictures and then how that wonderful woman is now. It is heartbreaking. She is still so beautiful and her hair is awesome. But her eyes, most often, are vacant and she mumbles a lot. Sure, she says words that are real but nothing to do with what you are taking about. And you can barely steer the conversations any more. She is getting further and furthe away from us and there is no getting her back. Soon she will be gone and i dont know if i can bear it!